Extended excerpt  [Autobiography – Astor reflecting on her retirement from acting]:

“I don’t underrate the satisfactions by any means. But it’s like pressing food through a sieve: You obtain a delicious purée, but the bulk remains in the sieve. The extraneous things, the things that add up to fatigue and boredom. A painter paints, a musician plays, a writer writes – but a movie actor waits.” (p. 219)

Source link: A Life on Film (1967 | 1971 Delacorte Press edition) online via Open Library [free subscription service]: https://archive.org/stream/lifeonfilm00asto#page/n231/mode/2up

Re-quote notes: Mary Astor was clear that she didn’t coin the “very old joke” – so who did?

The earliest print edition of the joke we have located to date is a newspaper column quoting actor Tighe Andrews. At least two other actors and a theater director, however, were also quoted repeating a version of the joke during the same general time frame.

While it’s possible that one of the following people coined the joke, we suspect that there is probably an earlier source – possibly a live comedy act or a Hollywood-based magazine that isn’t in the digital collections we have searched? We’ll keep looking…but in the meantime, here are a few of the earliest examples:

September 1, 1960 – Actor Tighe Andrews, cited by Hollywood columnist Bob Foster:

“Tighe Andrews has it all figured out. In the career of an actor, Andrews, one of the stars of “The Detectives” says, there are five stages.

1 – Who is Tighe Andrews?

2 – Get me Tighe Andrews;

3 – Get me a Tighe Andrews type;

4 – Get me a young Tighe Andrews and the final stage;

Who is Tighe Andrews?

   This is one of many quips and witticisms that the young actor tossed at me while visiting the set of Robert Taylor’s popular detective show.” (p. 27, column 1)

[Source: Tighe Andrews, cited by columnist Bob Foster, “TV Screenings” (1 September 1960) San Mateo Times, San Mateo, CA, Vol. 60, No. 210, p. 25, column 1; online via Newspapers.com [subscription service] www.newspapers.com]

September 23, 1960 – Actor Hugh O’Brian, cited by columnist Mike Connolly:

“Hugh O’Brian gave me the following points – as The Five Most Important Stages in the Life of an Actor:

(1) “Who is Hugh O’Brian?”

(2) “Get me Hugh O’Brian as the star of our next picture!”

(3) “Get me somebody who’s a Hugh O’Brian type.”

(4) “Get me a young Hugh O’Brian.”

(5) “Who WAS Hugh O’Brian?”

[Source: Hugh O’Brian, cited by Mike Connolly, Hollywood columnist, “Let’s Make Love but Money Too” (23 September 1960) Pasadena Independent, p. 15, columns 6-7; online via Newspapers.com [subscription service] www.newspapers.com]

November 28, 1960 – Broadway Director Alan Schneider, cited by columnist Drew Pearson:

“Alan Schneider, the Broadway director, offers this five-stage cycle of the theater: (1) “Who is Tom Smith?” (2) “I want Tom Smith.” (3) “Get me somebody like Tom Smith.” (4) “Whatever became of Tom Smith?” And, finally, (5) “Who is Tom Smith?”

[Source: Alan Schneider, cited by columnist Drew Pearson, “Washington Merry-Go-Round” (28 November 1960) San Mateo Times, San Mateo, CA, Vol. 60, No. 285, p. 21, column 5; online via Newspapers.com [subscription service] www.newspapers.com]

December 8, 1960 – Actor Chick Chandler, cited in a brief ‘TV and Radio’ newspaper update:

“Chick Chandler, of the coming “One Happy Family” series, says there are five stages to an actor’s career: (1) Who is he? (2) We want him. (3) We want someone like him. (4) We want a younger version of him. (5) Who is he?”

[Source: Chick Chandler, cited in ‘TV and Radio’ short feature, “Five Stages” (8 December 1960) The Cincinnati Enquirer (Kentucky edition), No. 243, p. 43, column 5; online via Newspapers.com [subscription service] www.newspapers.com

Since the early 1960s, a number of other performers have repeated variations of the ‘five stages in the career/life of an actor’ joke. More contemporary examples include actors Don Cheadle (June 2007), Burt Reynolds (January 1983), Robby Benson (November 1981), Mickey Rooney (April 1980), Herschel Bernardi (March 1979), Jack Riley (February 1975), Michael Parks (April 1966), and Bob Crane (August 1965).

Extended excerpt  [Memoir – Chapter 14 – Referencing an old acting joke]:

“There is a very old joke in the profession about the five stages in the life of an actor. Supply the name of any well-known player, and the producer/director/casting office says,

1. Who’s Mary Astor? 2. Get me Mary Astor. 3. Get me a Mary Astor type.
2. Get me a young Mary Astor. 5. Who’s Mary Astor?” (p. 194)

Note: Please see the ‘Re-Quote’ tab for notes on earlier sources.

Source link [Tighe Andrews – 1 Sept. 1960]: “TV Screenings” (1 September 1960) The Times, online via Newspapers.com [subscription service]: https://www.newspapers.com/image/51744196/?terms=%22career%2Bof%2Ban%2Bactor%22%2B%2B%2Bwho%27s%2B%2B%2B%22get%2Bme%2Ba%2Byoung%22

Source link [Hugh O’Brian – 23 Sept. 1960]: “Let’s Make Love but Money Too” (23 September 1960) Pasadena Independent, online via Newspapers.com [subscription service]: https://www.newspapers.com/image/38892549/?terms=%22five%2Bmost%2Bimportant%2Bstages%22%2B%2B%2B%22get%2Bme%2Ba%22

Source link [Alan Schneider – Nov. 1960]: “Washington Merry-Go-Round” (28 November 1960) San Mateo Times, online via Newspapers.com [subscription service]: https://www.newspapers.com/image/38978558/?terms=%22five%2Bstages%22%2B%2B%2B%22get%2Bme%22%2B%2B%2B%22Who%2Bis%22

Source link [Chick Chandler – Dec. 1960]: “Five Stages” (8 December 1960) The Cincinnati Enquirer, online via Newspapers.com [subscription service]: https://www.newspapers.com/image/101138583/?terms=%22five%2Bstages%2Bin%2Ban%2Bactor%27s%2Bcareer%22

Source link [Mary Astor – 1967]: A Life on Film (1967 | 1971 Delacorte Press edition) online via Open Library [free subscription service]: https://archive.org/stream/lifeonfilm00asto#page/193/mode/2up/search/young+mary+astor